- "I'm sorry you feel that way"
- "I'm sorry if you were offended by what I said"
- "I'm sorry that's how you interpreted XYZ"
- "I'm sorry, but..."
These are just some examples of non-apologies. Or, as I like to call them, "fauxpologies". The thing about them is that while they don't actually say anything at all, they say everything about the person saying them.
They serve as backdoor for people so they don't have to admit their fault or error. It's a way of pretending that you're apologetic when in fact you're prioritizing your need to "look good" in front of being in someone else's world. You're not acknowledging their feelings of upset or hurt as being valid and legitimate. It's caring more about yourself and how you feel, than considering someone else's feeling. It's covering your ass by giving yourself a shield to not have to admit your "offense". It's allowing your fear based-ego to win.
The good news is that now you know and you can never un-know this; it's all part of being self aware.
Here are some components of a real apology:
- Let the person know that you care that they're upset
- Acknowledge that the person's upset feelings are valid
- Admit that you have hurt/angered/upset the person
- Ask what you can do to make amends and get complete
An apology is also a promise that you won’t do it again. So you really have to get out of your own way and admit what you've done wrong. The truth is: YOU KNOW.
Speak from love, not fear. Speak from your authentic self, not from your ego.