So, like most things that I'm not proud of, I was just going to bury this one in the backyard, hoping to never find it again. But as the Universe (for me, that's the Big Man aka God) would have it, I got a "sign" from my yoga instructor today. She started telling us about her history with partying and alcohol and how she used to throw back tequila shots like a champ. Now she doesn't drink alcohol. She didn't need to divulge too much into her story of the past for me to completely relate to her.
I was just there 2 weeks ago. Drunk, and dangerously close to pushing my boundaries on a number of levels. I lost myself. But before I go on, I do want to make it clear that My Saturday Night was a lot of fun, and I don't regret a single moment. I met some really great, interesting, fun, people. It's just that I went into the situation, completely open minded, not knowing everyone (knowing only few), and fell off balance - more than I'd like to. Somehow, I was able to hang on by a thread and made it home safely at 5am the next morning. Doing recreational drugs and having promiscuous sex is not what I'm all about. Sure, there is a place for that in my past, but it's not who I am today.
Granted, I didn't do either of those things I just mentioned, but what jarred me the most was how insanely easy it would have been to do so. I don't smoke, and I had a drag or two of a cigarette! I mean, I cannon-balled into that night -- and in that moment it was awesome. That's all I cared about at the time. And look, I know that I didn't do anything "bad" or "wrong", but I'm moving to a new city in December and what if I'd lost that small shred of whatever that was that I was hanging onto and gone off the deep end? I felt really lost and the questions [that started this blog in the first place] started to creep into my, dark, confused mind.
"Who am I? What is my purpose?"
Which lead me to these ah-ha moments:
- I realized that what I was hanging on to my commitments; and thankfully so!
Question: What actions are you taking to fulfill on what's possible for your life? Remember: No new action = no new results.
- I don't allow myself the freedom to make mistakes.
My Saturday Night brought some importatnt lessons into my awareness that were not there before -- and for that I'm truly grateful. It needed to happen! Now, I know my limits. I am clear on when to say no.
So much love.