Ever wonder why so many people have such a problem being effective communicators? The number one fear of any human being around the world is speaking in front of a large group of people. This fear even surpasses the fear of death. Most people would rather die than to have to get up in front of people and address them. Yet still throughout our lives, the biggest area we list with our therapists, our employers, and with our spouses to improve on is: being better communicators.
The next time you are out to have a conversation go the way you want, I urge you to try this very effective trick! Try this: L I S T E N I N G
What? Exactly. I’ll say it again.Try listening. See, in most of our conversations we miss this fundamental step. The first thing in any conversation is to find out who you are talking to. You will not be able to make the difference you are out to make if you don’t know who you are talking to. Of course you know the name of the person you are in conversation with. That’s not what I mean here.
For example, if you are in an argument with your best friend and they're being an upset 5 year old, having a very adult, formalized conversation with him is not going to go very well. You have to get connected to who you are talking to. If who you're really talking to is someone who is really pissed off about their day -- your plan to talk about planning a vacation is going to fall on deaf ears...
Now here is the real trick. That person you are speaking with has to really get that you got what THEY were saying. Easy enough to do. You just re-create what they were telling you. If they said, "I had a really crappy day" you can say: "Wow, yeah. I totally understand. Your day was crappy. Tell me what else happened."
You'll become happily surprised, and there will come a magical pause called: "I've said enough, tell me about YOUR day." Then voila, you can now bend their ear on all of the amazing thoughts you've had about where you’d like to vacation next. And guess what - they will actually be listening! Who you are talking to now is someone who is actually interested in what is coming out of your mouth!
It is that simple. Enjoy this new found treasure.It works every time.
*About the Author; Joel Feldman has been a life coach for the past 13 years specializing in creating and implementing breakthrough levels of performance with his clients all over the world. If you would like him to coach you on what you are dealing with, please submit your request for coaching to firstname.lastname@example.org ; please make sure you title your subject line “I NEED COACHING”.