I'm sitting at the piano, and I begin to clumsily press down on the keys, finding white keys, then black keys, then a mixture of both, until I find...something. I haven't played with an instrument, other than the cajon, in years. It feels very shaky and timid. Uncertain, mostly. I'm actually starting to sweat.
The mommies and babies are making their exit. Elika turns to me and smiles, "I didn't know you played piano?"
"I don't." I smiled and laughed.
She moves her body into a few fun pirouette-like dance moves and says goodbye.
Then the homie Justine walks in, sets up her mat, and begins her own personal practice. She's here to teach the next class.
"I'm gonna practice over here. You mind if I record this?"
"No. Go ahead."
>>This is what happened:
12 MINUTES LATER...
"Dude. Were you just here right now?? Because I was not."
"I think I need a cigarette."
"...And a beer."
"Who needs therapy?!"
"I think I need a moment. My face is really hot?"
"What just happened?"
"Did we just make love?"
"Was that love?"
"That was so incredible!"
"I just healed like 14 years worth of trauma."
"Wait......... We NEEEEEED to do a class like this for people."
"UMMMMMM. Yes! Let's do it."
"But what are we even doing?!"
“As soon as healing takes place, go out and heal somebody else.”
― Maya Angelou
Tonight, we held our first class, for 13 people -- most of whom had no idea that we were doing this. By the time 5:15 rolled around, I remember feeling pleasantly surprised that I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be. But still having the "I have NO idea what the F*CK I'm doing" inner monologue turned all the way up.
When it comes to my creative outlets (INCLUDING POSTING TO MY BLOG!), I've been stopped by my own self sabotaging ways of judgments and righteousness. I don't even need to use time unpacking that here, but what I've come to realize is that I've just really been being stingy.
By NOT writing, by NOT acting, by NOT drawing, by NOT playing instruments. By suppressing my creativity, I'm suppressing my Love. The end result for me when I don't share myself is that I feel like I'm hiding out, and I don't get to be the contribution that I am in the world. My intention this year has been about acknowledging that, and allowing for my creativity to be expressed in such a way that it is a powerful contribution.
I'm very passionate about music in particular. If you know me on a personal level, then you already know this. So it was truly a sacred gift for me to be with those PEOPLE tonight, guiding them through a journey of their own self discovery. The flow was challenging. I felt it. I felt them. I breathed with them. And I held them; with the gentle sounds of what came off of my fingertips.
I left before the class ended because I had another appointment coming up. I was so eager to know how the class was received. I sent Justine a text, "how was it?"
She wrote back: "The feedback was quite amazing! Everyone loved what we did, and felt very connected to the flow and the music guiding them. I felt so grounded moving around the room, very confident, and also very connected to what we were doing; the two of us. That was the first time that I have heard everyone breathe that consistently. Everything that came out of my mouth felt and sounded right - and I am really glad you were there because you kept me and my shit together. "
Where: OMpower at 66 Townsend Street, San Francisco
Follow: @nanluma & @yikesyoga on IG