HOME. What's that look like for you? To me, Home is wherever you - the Self - are. So, that can be anywhere, right? It can be with your friends, with your parents, with new people, etc. The beauty is you get to decide where you call home - and it doesn't need to be just one place, with ONE person or ONE set of people. You also don't have to relinquish that power of decision making to what someone else says "should" be considered home for you. I like to believe that the amount of places that I call home are limitless.
I recently went back east to upstate NY to my dads house. This is not a place that I would have normally considered home. I lived with my dad very sporadically during my college years. We were essentially two roommates, strangers even, living under the same roof. I spent most of my holiday's filling in time working; away from the house.
I was a little hesitant to book this flight because it was over $500 and it wasn't direct - and I'm a brat like that. I try to fly direct as much as possible. It's a treat that I like to reward myself with when I travel. Unfortunately though, to get to this part of New York state from San Francisco, it requires a stop somewhere. I realize that this is all trivial stuff; and really, they're just thoughts that don't mean anything. I did eventually clear all of that mess from my head space, and from there, stood from the space of, "I'm the Gandhi of my family, dammit. I'm creating connection and an awesome relationship with my father, and step-mom while I'm at it. Let's go!"
So my dad get's home from work and is eager to eat and relax. "You want a glass of Merlot?" He asked, turning the TV channel to Friends. "Definitely!" And as I sat there, lounging on the living room couch, sipping my wine, watching Friends -- hearing the subtle laughter coming from my dad, for the first time, I really got present to...HIM. What showed up for me was the possibility of him being human. And not... "the bad guy". There was a palpable shift in the way I viewed him.
"Dad, I never knew you were just "one of the girls"? He laughed. "That's because we never spent any time together." It was in that moment, where I chose to see him as more than my father, but also as as my friend.
For a lot of my years, I made my dad out to be the bad guy. Continually seeking evidence to prove that he "doesn't really love me", and he is the bad guy. The payoff was I got to be right anytime I'd prove it to myself. And the cost? Well, we didn't really have a relationship. That way of being totally does not align with my commitment to creating and sustaining explosive connection with the people in my life. That is why I decided to head back east to spend time with him. And I'm really glad that I did.
I can call that place, where he lives, Home - in the societal and physical sense of the word. Meaning, it's home because a parental unit resides there and I have a room there. But in the spiritual sense, none of that really matters. Because wherever I am is home.
The return to my dads allowed me to shift my context around the word "home" and also around who my dad is for me. He is a unique, intelligent, funny, kind, and human. Which means he's fighting a tough battle just like the rest of us. Whats more, we are now closer than ever, and went from talking 1x/month to 1x/week!